


working relationship

by kalesmay



Category: Constantine: The Hellblazer (Comics), DCU, DCU (Comics), Green Lantern (Comics)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crack, Gen, Teamwork, and boy is it something, hal jordan's famed Awful Ideas, this is based on an idea from tumblr in which eddie john and hal become a team
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-27
Updated: 2017-03-27
Packaged: 2018-10-11 14:59:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10467702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kalesmay/pseuds/kalesmay
Summary: Hal prides himself on being the absolute best at bad ideas. The tentatively titled “We Hate Batman Club” is probably one of his worst. Naturally, he loves everything about it. Batman, of course, is decidedly less thrilled.





	

**Author's Note:**

> written at 1 AM based on the posts on tumblr by @batmanrouges and @halbarry and my own lack of self control and adoration for anything riddler related

 

Hal prides himself on being the absolute best at bad ideas. The tentatively titled “We Hate Batman Club” is probably one of his worst. Naturally, he loves everything about it. Batman, of course, is decidedly less thrilled.

  
“You two are some of the dumbest people I have ever met,” Eddie watches John light a cigarette with a spell despite there being a lighter right in front of him. “ _Ever_.” He reiterates. Hal waves him off.

  
“Yeah, yeah, you’ve said it a million times. So, you in?”

  
John seems disinterested, taking a drag from his stupid cigarette and propping his head up on his free arm. Eddie is starting to realize that disinterested is one of the only facial expressions John has (the others are smug, indignant, and mischievous, and Eddie doesn’t trust a single one of them). Hal already roped John in, because Zatanna was busy and John was the only other magic user with enough experience to be of use, and he doesn’t seem to be overjoyed about it.

Unfortunately, Edward’s case overlaps with theirs and the Lantern is hell bent on getting him to work with them.  
Overall, Eddie’s not sold on the idea. Fortunately for Hal, he’s incredible at persuading (he’s really not; he’s just incredibly obnoxious and renders people so frustrated that they’ll do anything to shut him up. However, it is effective).

  
“What’s in it for me?” Eddie asks, cocking his head and rolling his cane between his hands. Hal smiles, like he’s glad Eddie finally asked.  
“What’s in it for you? Buddy, what _isn’t_? You’re one of the Bat’s baddies, right?”  
Eddie sniffs. “I’m not a _baddie_ , anymore. I’m a trusted ally.” John snorts into his glass, earning him a glare from the man in green.

  
“Okay, whatever, but you _were_ , at one point, a big old pain in the Bat’s ass,” Hal waits for Eddie’s reluctant nod before continuing. “So, think about it, you working with the second best – no offense, John – magic user in the world and a member of the Green Lantern Corps, fighting intergalactic magical crime and pissing off Batman every second. Sounds like a good deal to me, right?”

  
As much as Eddie hates to admit it, Hal has a decent point, and the idea of being in space does sound cool. So, he says, “Fine.”

  
****

  
Edward Nygma has done a multitude of stupid things in his lifetime, but none of them were as stupid as this. Three days into his new “team”, and Hal was rubbing off on him, in all the worst ways.

  
“Lantern, you absolute _moron_ , you have screwed this up beyond belief!” Eddie accused, dodging a swipe from an alien tentacle and waving his cane menacingly. “Is there _anything_ you’re competent at or is that ring your only positive?” Eddie wasn’t fond of hand to hand combat, and certainly not with aliens. His teammates were too busy to help out much more than John teleporting the ones Eddie let get too close, but he was mostly on his own. He swung the polished head of his cane at the torzo of a hulking alien, flinging it into a nearby crater. The atmosphere of this planet seemed to be mostly breathable, but John and Hal’s combined efforts kept them on the safe side, for now.

  
“Aw, Eddie-kins, are you flirting with me?” Hal teased, sending a trio of aliens flying with a giant green fist. Eddie scowled.

  
“Do _not_ call me that, Lantern, or I’ll tell Batman about your dartboard!” Eddie threatened. Hal gasped.

  
“You wouldn’t,” Batman wasn’t fond of Hal on a good day, he didn’t really want to try his luck if Bruce knew about the Bruce Wayne magazine cover Hal used for target practice.

  
Eddie looked smug. “Oh, I would, and gladly.”

  
John gave them both flat glares as he blocked an approaching creature. “Oi, can either of you lads quit fighting each other and fight these bloody aliens? For fuck’s sake, I’m gonna tell the Bat on both of you!”

  
Eventually, they got the aliens contained, and John and Eddie let Hal deal with his intergalactic mess. Space was his domain, and neither of them wanted anything to do with it. Eddie wanted even less to do with any of this, because he was just a man, and between John’s demons and Hal’s aliens, he was sure he’d be sent to an early grave. To Eddie’s displeasure and credit, he was the brains of this operation, because Hal and John didn’t seem to have a self preserving bone in their body. Eddie feels kind of like he adopted two delinquent kids.

  
Beside him, John is pulling a cigarette from thin air, lighting his fingertip ablaze and sticking the end of the cigarette in it. “How does that even _happen_? There’s no oxygen in space, a flame is impossible!”

  
John blinks at him, unimpressed. “We just fought aliens, mate. I do magic. You really gonna start talking about impossible?” Eddie shuts up.

  
***

  
“Hey, you guys think the Bat knows about this? I mean, I’ve left the League stuff to the rest of the Corp, and I haven’t really told anyone, but –”

  
“Not much happens that he doesn’t know about,” Eddie tells Hal. “I’d be surprised if he didn’t know.”

  
Hal shrugs his head in concession. “He’s gonna kill me, man. I teamed up with the asshole magician and the weird purple bad guy from Gotham.”

  
John lets out an indignant “ _Oi!_ ”, while Eddie frowns.

  
“I prefer green, actually. The purple’s more of an accent color.”

  
“Green’s _my_ color, dude. Stick with purple or find a new one.”

  
Eddie scowls, regarding Hal's petulant expression from under the brim of his bowler. “What’s green and black and blue all over?” Hal’s about to shoot back a retort when tape appears over both their mouths, courtesy of John.

  
“You two are bloody ridiculous, my God. I’ll kill the both of you and ship your bodies to the big bad Bat if you don’t cut it out.” John waits until Hal and Eddie look less actively hostile before removing the tape with a wave of his hand.

  
“Some team we are,” Eddie pouts, crossing his arms. He leans back against one of the long tables in John’s weird magic house, ignoring John’s glare at the way he’s draped over it. Hal shrugs.

  
“Give it time, Riddle-miester. We’ll be best buds in no time!”

  
John takes a long pull from his glass of scotch, "I certainly hope not.”

  
***

  
“Hal Jordan, what the fuck is wrong with you.”  
Hal figures he could give Bruce a lengthy, possibly alphabetical answer, but it didn’t sound like a question to respond to, so he stays quiet. His teammates avoid his eyes, in just as much shit as he is. John is trying to flirt with Zatanna as she tries to scold him, and Eddie is sprawled ungainly in a plush chair, waiting for Bruce to finish chewing Hal out.

  
“Oh, c’mon, Bruce. I’m just having a little fun! Besides, they’re kind of okay guys, once you get to know them.” Hal knows this is a lost cause, but he’s gonna have fun with it anyway.

  
Bruce frowns at him. “Did you even bother to do that before jumping headlong into a team with them?”

  
Hal scratches his neck. “Well, no, but –”

  
But Bruce isn’t finished. “John is one, horribly irresponsible thing, but The Riddler? He’s a super-villain! A _villain_ , Jordan. Do those words mean nothing to you?”

  
Eddie finally pipes up, squawking indignantly. “ _Former_ villain! I’ve been out kicking intergalactic demon ass with these two idiots, when I could’ve been robbing banks or being a PI in the comfort of my own city. A little credit, please, Bruce. I’ve certainly kept my nose cleaner than your girlfriend has.”

  
A crease appears between Bruce’s eyebrows, eye’s narrowing under the cowl, and Hal crows. Eddie is a fucking savage when he wants to be, which is most of the time. Honestly, he’s kind of mean. Hal doesn’t really mind that much, especially considering the snark’s been directed at him less and less.  
Bruce, the pinnacle of articulate, just growls in response. By now, Zatanna’s done berating John and they’ve both made their way over to the rest of the group.

  
“Z here gave the Bat our location, cheeky little traitor she is.”

  
Zatanna scoffed. “Traitor? I have no allegiance to you. None!” And they’re at it again, arguing the way only former overs can. Bruce seems to still be trying to channel his fury into words. Hal is feeling rather pleased with himself; the whole idea was getting under Batman’s skin – helping save the world was just an added bonus.

  
“Hal, Edward, I’m trying to be reasonable, but you’re three notorious pains in my ass going around and calling yourself the ‘ _We Hate Batman Club_ ’. You can see where my issue is, correct?”

  
Hal says, “No,” around the same time Eddie says, “It’s a working title.” They look at each other and snort.

  
“I dunno, Ed. I kinda like it. Fuck Batman, am I right?”

  
John glances over at them. “Oi, I’ve been bloody tryin’!” The three of them dissolve into laughter, Zatanna trying to hide a smirk. Bruce just continues to frown.

  
“Zatanna, we’re leaving.” To Hal, he says, “Jordan, don’t make me regret this.”

  
Hal gives him a mock salute, Eddie tips his hat, and John raises an eyebrow. They kind of all figured that Bruce would shut them down, but apparently they’d survived muster and that meant that some way, somehow, they were an _actual team_.

  
And God, was that a scary thought. Hal couldn’t wait.


End file.
